If that sounds awful to you, I understand. Who wants pain on top of pain? Maybe you’re reading this because you have experienced a loss and it still pains you. You may feel stuck, like you just can’t let go. You have forged a new sense of normal in your life. You’re able to laugh and genuinely enjoy yourself, but it’s always there… right there, hanging on to you…sadness you can’t shake. If only things were different. If only they were still here. Will it ever stop hurting? Yes. But not completely.
When Does It Stop Hurting?
The most accurate definition of grief I’ve ever heard said grief is like a deep cut. When the cut first happens, it is painful and it may bleed – you may even require stitches. As it starts to heal, there’s still pain but if you rip the bandage off too soon, or accidentally hit it, you could open it back up. Bam. It’s an open wound all over again. Eventually the skin will close and even though scar tissue is tougher than normal skin, if you happen to re-injure the area, there is a chance it could break open again. Grief is like that. It heals… sort of. The pain subsides. Sort of.
Remember that, and go easy on yourself. Most importantly, I know it may be the last thing you want to do, to feel the full pain of your loss… but it must be done. You may be afraid the pain will be so deep you won’t be able to bear it. I’m here to tell you though the pain may be great, you will free yourself of the most painful parts of the loss. It doesn’t mean you forget what you’ve lost either.
I’m going to suggest you even… *looks around* cry if you feel it. Maybe you don’t cry because tears are for babies but I’ll let you in on a secret: crying cleanses the soul. When I need to cry, I get a heaviness in the center of my body – near the top of my stomach. I cry alone, whenever I need to. Many times I rub the center of my chest under my collar-bone because it is soothing and seems to bring out a healthy flow of tears.
Loss of life causes spiritual wounds but so can loss of relationships, jobs, possessions and even the words of another. While you may not get over it, you can work through it.